Don't Stop Believing!

Sept. 30, 2011. We have been in Raleigh, North Carolina for a month now. My theme song has become "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. For the past three or four months, I have randomly heard this song play on the radio every time I would think about what our family should do. I was at a point in my life, that I knew I was not happy working outside the home and trying to be CEO of our family. I would drag myself to work everyday, and try my best to put on a happy face while doing my job. Yet my mind was constantly trying to figure out how I could quit my job and be the homemaker/mom that I know I should be. Then, if I had a bad day at work, I would come home and not be a good mother or wife. It seemed that my life was falling apart. I could not do a good job at anything anymore.

When Anthony did not get the job in OR for the 3rd time in about 5 years, somehow, I was OK. But I still wondered why I had this drive to get the house ready for a big change/move? I would hear the song, "Don't Stop Believing" play on the radio in the car, in grocery stores, various other places. Every time that song would come on, I would get a feeling that a change was still coming. But what?

Then within a few weeks, Anthony was offered this job out here in Raleigh. What? Could this really be the answer? Relocate across the country and start over? How could it even work? Then things started falling into place.

It was hard to move so far away from my married kids, leave a grand baby behind. Say goodbye to my son who just returned after being out of the country for 2 years. Leave my parents behind. I miss them all very much.

Anthony has his challenges getting trained in his new position out here. The 3 girls have all had their melt-downs. I've cried many tears. We all start to wonder if we made the correct decision? Then, that song will play randomly.. "Don't Stop Believing"!

I really don't know why we were supposed to come out here. However, I do know that it is what is right for our family at this point in time. We are learning things that we would not have learned in Utah.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is God's true church. Being out here in the "Bible Belt" has strengthened my testimony. It's like we are in the mission field. We really are a peculiar people. We are being watched by others, and I know we are being blessed by Heavenly Father.

I can't say that I am a great mom. I feel very rusty since I have worked outside the home for the last 6 years. My goal is to have our home run smoothly and feel the Spirit here. It's very challenging. But I keep trying. If we work together as a family, things go better.

The full time missionaries came over for our Family Home Evening last Monday. We had a great time. Our family sketched our own version of Lehi's Vision, the tree of life, as we read the scriptures in ( 1st Nephi Chapter 8) the Book of Mormon.

I have found myself starting to wonder if we really made the correct decision again last night when the girls started to complain that they want to go back to UT. I didn't sleep well and I had several crazy dreams. The girls did not have school this morning. So, Anthony and I had a prayer together, and just he and I were in the car as I took him into his new office. On the ride home, all by myself, my mind was still wandering and wondering what if? Then the song came on the radio, "Don't Stop Believing"! I got a good feeling inside that everything will be OK. Then I remembered my mom's favorite scripture...( Proverbs 3, 5&6) "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct they paths."

My week got off to a rough start. On Monday after I dropped everyone off at school and work, I went for a walk. I've walked around Shelley Lake several times, so this time I took a different path. It had several forks in it and none of them were very clearly marked. There came a place on the path that I took, where I had to decide to either go back the way I came or cross the street and keep following the path on the other side. I had been walking for several miles, so I decided to just follow the side walk up the street. I thought I would find my car where I had parked it. I walked for a few more miles and realized I was not where I originally thought. I was lost! I decided to walk back down to where the path crossed the road and keep following it. (The other paths I had taken previously , always looped around. I figured that I would run into a sign to tell me which way to go.) After a while I got a feeling that I was not on the correct path. I asked some ladies who were speed-walking if they could help me. They told me I was about 5 miles away from where I had parked and I was going the wrong way. They said if I followed them, they would show me which path to take. I did my best to keep up with them. At this point in time I was already tired and thirsty. Tucker was tired also and did not want to walk/run to keep up. After what seemed like forever, they pointed Tucker and me to the correct path. Soon, things started to look familiar to me. Then I had to make another decision. I had to either cross a busy 4 lane street to get to my car, or I could take the tunnel under the street. There was a suspicious looking man standing at the tunnel entrance watching me. He did not smile, or say "hello" like most people on the path. I decided to go up to the street where it was busy and in full view of the public. I felt more safe that way. It took us longer to get back to the car. When we got to the car, the man that had been standing at the tunnel entrance was now roaming the parking lot. The lot had several people coming and going. Tucker and I jumped into the car, locked the doors and drove home. We both were dehydrated and sick for a few hours.

Elise turned 18 years old on Wed. Sept 28. I tried really hard to make the day special for her. Somehow, I feel like it failed. I put signs up all over the house and in her room. I gave her the option to stay home from school that day. She chose to go to school. Her dad gave her a bouquet of flowers and some spending money. We went out to eat at an Italian Restaurant.

Yesterday I finally mowed the lawn. We don't have a lawn mower of our own. I was looking on Craig's List to find one when there was a knock at my door. It was Marie Houtaling. She lives around the corner from us and is in our ward. She said she had lost our phone number, but wanted to invite us to dinner on Friday night. She asked if there was anything I needed? I said, "I was just thinking about you this morning. I was wondering if I could borrow your lawn mower and I would be happy to mow your lawn in return." She said that Bro Houtaling had just finished mowing their lawn, but that I was welcome to borrow the mower.

Today is Friday. No school for the girls. Anthony has a big presentation to make for the CEO/ Owner of the company. My thoughts are with him that it goes well. We have been invited to dinner tonight. I am looking forward to General Conference this weekend. We won't be driving the Alpine Loop this year to see the colors. I'm sure we will make a new adventure.

"Don't Stop Believing"! Everything is fine!